The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
