I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
not ubering you a puppy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
