you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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