i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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