her vagine was all disorganized.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
