he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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