Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
