I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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