then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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