i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
