that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i think my cat just said my name.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
