Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
