SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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