Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
