I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
