Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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