She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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