my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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