1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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