Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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