she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
