Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
