Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka?
Forever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize