why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
