You made me cry and you don't even care
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We had sex on a dog bed..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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