I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
