I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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