Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
