My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
