I CAN MOONWALK!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
