I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
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wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off