Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day