nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
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i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
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We don't watch enough power rangers
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b