I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .