Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex