So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
