i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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