Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
