pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
