how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
