I met the friendliest cop last night
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
