apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
