Who wears a wallet chain?!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
