I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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