don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
