I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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