i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She told me I should be a condom model.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
