please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
