I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
