Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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