my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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