no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This toilet bowl is my home.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
