dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
