thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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