We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
