Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
