The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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