my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
