he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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