When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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