hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
