Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
