And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
