Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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