You really coming over, don't trick.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
