I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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