I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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