i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
