At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
