yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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