I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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