I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
