I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
