just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.