yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
