Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
