I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i dont even know how to be here
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
