CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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