does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
