Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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