Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
