On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
