Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
