New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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