I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
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It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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