...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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